CaronCecilia

(1) I live with living without you. (2) private notebook? well yes, but I hardly write anywhere else. (3) a void is void of what it cannot be filled with. (4) how do I live with (1). I always try ’ways’. yes, this is yet another notebook. (5) when they ask you can only answer. demands for yes or no are not asked. (6) sunrise, sunset. one rule that rules them all? (7) living without you. it is a demand, and unfortunately it was never my choice. what choice did you make, did you have a choice? I never understood. (8) another movement of the sun. another recording of it in a notebook. the void is open.

(1) I live with living without you. (2) private notebook? well yes, but I hardly write anywhere else. (3) a void is void of what it cannot be filled with. (4) how do I live with (1). I always try ’ways’. yes, this is yet another notebook. (5) when they ask you can only answer. demands for yes or no are not asked. (6) sunrise, sunset. one rule that rules them all? (7) living without you. it is a demand, and unfortunately it was never my choice. what choice did you make, did you have a choice? I never understood. (8) another movement of the sun. another recording of it in a notebook. the void is open.

My Doona of Depression. I have felt you, the dark threads you weave, the soft gentle approach of you, slowly getting heavier, like I carry the weight of you, like I am carrying the weight of my expectations. Your corners enfolding, blinkers that make me see, focused on the dusk, greening, blackening, the months growing darker, everything becoming less defined. You have held me before, and I shrugged you off then, like the tangled up sheets of nightmare and sweat, I think I was stronger then, I feel like I’ve shrunk a lot, I had more friends then, more chances to hold onto things. You have wrapped around my throat while I was distracting myself, I want to scream out but you make my voice softer. You make my mouth dryer; you make my brain forget things. You make everything harder, so much harder to do. Why don’t you just sink? You ask. Why don’t you just let yourself fall? Everyone knows it isn’t worth the struggle; just listen to the news, See the stories, see the world;

a night owl my alarm set to six (am)

(1) I live with living without you. (2) private notebook? well yes, but I hardly write anywhere else. (3) a void is void of what it cannot be filled with. (4) how do I live with (1). I always try ’ways’. yes, this is yet another notebook. (5) when they ask you can only answer. demands for yes or no are not asked. (6) sunrise, sunset. one rule that rules them all? (7) living without you. it is a demand, and unfortunately it was never my choice. what choice did you make, did you have a choice? I never understood. (8) another movement of the sun. another recording of it in a notebook. the void is open.